Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

There was a book I heard about in the early 90s that I never bothered to pick up. I'm glad I didn't. I wouldn't have understood it and most likely wouldn't have appreciated it.

I recently felt a pull to revisit it and finally finished it yesterday. It's called "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance". I'll call it ZAMM for short. It's not really about Zen. And it's not really about motorcycle maintenance. But at the same time, it's totally about Zen and has everything to do with motorcycle maintenance. Mostly, though, it's a book that is deep, profound, and beautifully written.

When I was in school, even in college, I rarely had a desire to read. Books were being shoved down my throat constantly and I've never been a fan of doing what someone else tells me to do. I tend to rebel. So although I would occasionally read books that interested me, I usually avoided reading completely. Being forced to read for academic areas in which I had no interest really stifled my desire to read anything at all.

After college, I began to see the value of certain fields of study that I had never enjoyed before. I started with economics, then hit history, languages, philosophy, and more recently eastern religions and philosophic traditions. In fact, I've been meaning to blog about what I've been learning about Hinduism, Buddhism, and Taoism. But that will have to wait ...

When I heard about ZAMM, I had no background in philosophy and no appreciation for eastern traditions. Without that background, this book wouldn't have done much for me. But with that background, the author has given me insights into things I've been learning about that feel like priceless jewels. He synthesizes some of the ancient western and eastern styles of thought and offers us a glimpse into his own personal journey of self-discovery.

What I find so interesting about the story is his own misconceptions of the purpose of the journey. A major part of his journey began as he studied the word Quality. Later Excellence from the Greek Arete, which is often translated as Virtue. But Quality - what was it? He couldn't define it. This led him to deconstruct the existing classic worldview and create a new metaphysics based on Quality. This new metaphysics seemed to him to be a way to break down some of the problems created by western culture and possibly even reconcile the divide by east and west and between classical (intellectual, dielectic) and romantic thought. He was ready to offer a great thesis to the world that would break down barriers and bring people together. What it really did was break him down.

And this is the most beautiful part. His whole journey was pointless ... from the perspective of his original intention. But what it did to him made the journey worth all the effort. It broke him down and, if I read him right, led him to a fantastic epiphany of self knowledge that is akin to the spiritual experiences of ancient and modern spiritual seekers. In the process, he was deemed insane, and perhaps he was, or perhaps in that moment of self knowledge, he was one of the few sane individuals in the midst of a crazy world. And he experienced reality directly. He found his Quality.

I'm seeking this same Quality and although my journey will be different than the author's journey, I learned a few things by reading about his journey that have helped me see things a little differently and will, I think, help me in my journey of self discovery. For example, in order to find the answers he sought, he realized he would have to step outside the current mythos. He would have to become an outsider of the culture. He would have to be viewed as insane. And that was ok. Another tidbid: one of the last things he did before finding his Quality was to face his final fear. He had faced them all down and finally emptied himself. There was nothing left inside and that was what was necessary for this Quality to fill him up.

I can't possibly convey the power of this book in a short blog post. I absolutely loved it. Have you read it? If so, tell me your thoughts.

Disney World

We just got back from a trip to Orlando where we spent three days at Disney World. It's amazing how expensive it was, but it was really fun.

We spent one day at Epcot, one at Hollywood Studios, and one at The Magic Kingdom. Each park was really cool, but what I was most impressed with was the people working there. There seems to be a common vision and passion among the employees, or 'cast members' as they call themselves, to make everyone's visit to the parks a magical experience.

We were in a shop that sells glass and crystal trinkets when someone near us knocked a glass ornament off its shelf and it fell to the floor. It was probably at least $40. A 'cast member' came rushing over, scooped it up, and took it back to her register. Not a word was said to the woman. My wife commented to the employee that in many stores, there is a policy of "you break it, you buy it". The woman's response was, "Oh no, ma'am. This is Disney. We don't do that here." She said it simply, without any pride or ostentation. She was very kind about the whole thing.

That was just one of many examples where we were really impressed with the excellent service and dedication of the parks' employees to making our visit wonderful. I'm still not thrilled with the cost of entry, but there is something magical about a company that can preserve such a wonderful culture and commitment to excellence and customer satisfaction after being in business for so many years.

We took a couple days to relax between park visits. One day, we went to Downtown Disney to look around shops and play. The Lego shop was a big hit with the kids.

Another day, we went to the beach and that was probably my favorite part. There is something magical about the beach for me. It's a place for me to de-stress and connect with the beauty of nature.

We also visited an indoor trampoline place. The kids REALLY enjoyed that.

After being gone for almost a week, it's nice to be home again. I like going away and seeing new things. In fact, one thing I always enjoy doing with Emily, when we have the money to do it, is traveling, especially internationally. But I always enjoy coming home too. It was great to go away and make some memories with the family, but it's nice to be home.

It's All About Love

Last week, I did a little research with two of my kids. I asked child #3 to research a specific university and tell our family a little about it. He did a great job.

With my youngest, I did a little research on average salaries versus education levels. Maybe not the best motive to get an education, but I figured it couldn't hurt to give them an extra reason to go to college.

As we sat down to do the research, she asked, "Why do we have to do this?"

I answered, "Well, we don't have to do it, but I think it's good to learn new things. Learning is really what life is all about." My mind was obviously focused on the importance of education since I was about to try to beat that idea into my kids' heads. 

Without missing a beat, she looked at me with a genuinely confused expression on her face and said, "Really? I thought life was all about loving each other."

I had to acknowledge she was right and said something lame about learning being another really important part. We did the research anyway and both kids did a great job presenting it.

But I've been thinking a lot about my young daughter and her wisdom. Sometimes having kids is really difficult. But sometimes stuff like this happens and I'm left feeling stunned. In a good way. Life is incomprehensible sometimes, but it's also really good. 

The Gifts of Imperfection

I recently read 'The Gifts of Imperfection' by Brené Brown. This is the same woman whose TED talk I shared in a previous post. The book is brilliant.

Here's my brief summary. Her three gifts of imperfection are: courage, compassion, and connection. I think I see how each of these flows from our imperfection, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on that - especially if you've read the book. Anyway, she gives some very rigorous definitions of terms in the book, including for these three terms, but here's my quick take:

1. Courage: to share your heart, embrace vulnerability, and fully feel both positive and negative emotions.
2. Compassion: to embrace others in their imperfections, recognizing that we've all been there, we're all doing the best we can, and we're all in this together.
3. Connection to others: fuels the most joyful experiences of life. I believe it is relationships that offer us the most important among the possible purposes of life. In my research on happiness, the one factor that comes up in every single study I've seen or heard of is relationships.

She talks a lot about shame and I think a lot of what she says is really illuminating. She spent years researching shame and one of the things I learned from her was that "Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. ... Shame loves secrecy."

In the book, she shares an experience where she connected with her sister to share a vulnerable moment of shame. I love her description of the sister's response:

She didn't try to fix me or make me feel better; she just listened and had the courage to share some of her own vulnerabilities with me.

I felt totally exposed and completely loved and accepted at the same time (which is the definition of compassion for me). Trust me when I tell you that shame and fear can't tolerate that kind of powerful connection surging between people.

Very cool. Having the courage to share her vulnerability is what it took to unlock the power of friendship to relieve the shame and fear.

Here's a nice little excerpt on compassion.

The word compassion is derived from the Latin words pati and cum, meaning "to suffer with." I don't believe that compassion is our default response. I think our first response to pain - ours or someone else's - is to self-protect. We protect ourselves by looking for someone or something to blame. Or sometimes we shield ourselves by turning to judgment or by immediately going into fix-it mode.

Wow, that sounds a lot like me. But we don't have to let our fear of pain rule us. Pain is something that, if entered into and embraced, loses its power over us. At least the kind of inward suffering that results from thought processes and emotions.

She then quotes from an American Buddhist nun named Pema Chödrön.

Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.

She defines connection as follows:

... the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.

She later says,

Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.

And,

If connection is the energy that surges between people, we have to remember that those surges must travel in both directions.

This summary is from just the first two chapters of the book. The rest of the book is equally powerful, at least for me. As a recovering perfectionist, I felt like the book spoke to me on so many levels. In fact, I'd love to meet the author. It sounds like she and I have very similar personalities and dispositions ... and a very similar set of weaknesses. Maybe that's why the book seems so perfect for me.

But I don't think the book is just for perfectionists. It's a beautiful set of principles that we can all profit from regardless of where we're coming from. It's an attempt to offer a guide to what she calls 'wholehearted living' and I love the picture she paints of that lifestyle. It's what I want. And I think it's a model for living that will make the world a better place as more of us embrace it.

If you get a chance to read the book, please let me know what you think.

Transfer at Work

A couple weeks ago, I transferred to a different division at work. My old group was full of really good people, but the larger organization was a bit unhealthy. It had really worn on me and I had become so burned out that I felt I needed to do something radically different. I am SO HAPPY to be in a new group with a bunch of people I know and respect. I've worked with many of them off and on over the years and I'm really excited to be part of their team.

Since the transfer took place, I've been taking some time off to regroup, refocus, and reconnect with my family. It's been really good so far. I've done a lot of cooking, exercising, thinking, meditating, sleeping, and talking and playing with my wife and kids.

As I've been thinking, I've discovered that I like many of the things I do at my job, but I think what really gets me going is the idea of being an architect. I enjoy gathering requirements, technology gaps, etc and coupling them with capabilities. I like architecting solutions to customers' problems. I probably need to find a way to do more of that.

I'm grateful to have a job that gives me the flexibility to take so much time off. It has been really helpful to have a break to decompress and spend time with my family. I think family is the most important thing in my life anyway.

Inner Beauty

I just watched this video of an award acceptance speech at a Black Women in Hollywood Luncheon.

Beautiful, honest, and courageous. This woman impressed me. I think I'll show this video to my daughters. I think every young girl should hear what she has to say.

She tells the story of her own childhood and feelings of inadequacy. I love the following line:

"I had begun to enjoy the seduction of inadequacy."

Some other great ones:

"Beauty was not a thing I could acquire or consume. It was something that I just had to be. And what my mother meant when she said, 'you can't eat beauty', was that you can't rely on how you look to sustain you. What actually sustains us, what is fundamentally beautiful, is compassion, for yourself and for those around you. That kind of beauty inflames the heart and enchants the soul."

And:

"That you will feel the validation of your external beauty, but also get to the deeper business of being beautiful inside. That ... there is no shade in that beauty."

Happier

I found a new app and I really like it so far. It was shared with me at a seminar I attended yesterday as part of a youth conference for my church. I'm a youth leader, so I attended to help out, and although the seminar was supposed to be for teenagers, it was actually for me. :)

The seminar was about stress and it was REALLY helpful for me. The lady is a therapist with LDS Family Services and she shared a lot of good insights, coping mechanisms, etc. She defined stress as the perception that the demands placed upon us exceed our resources for dealing with them. The word 'perception' is key there. And she discussed the opportunity that stress offers us to grow and expand our capabilities to become more valuable to ourselves and others.

So stress isn't necessarily a bad thing. It can be an enabler. She also discussed 'blessings', defining blessings as things that contribute to true happiness, well-being, or prosperity. Stress, seen as an opportunity for growth, can lead to greater blessings. And during stressful times, we can find blessings while we're struggling. Blessings and challenges usually live together, so it can be fun to seek out the blessings in the midst of challenges.

To that end, the speaker shared an app called 'happier'. It's a social media forum like Facebook where the goal is to share things that make you happy. Of all the things I took away from the seminar (and there were a lot of great things I want to internalize), the idea of seeking out blessings and focusing on the positive things resonated with me the most. So last night, I got the app and started sharing things that make me happy.

Here are the things I've posted about so far:

1. After the seminar, a woman came up to me and asked if I was Brett Walkenhorst. Uh ... I think so. She told me her name and I was so excited! We attended the same church when we were teenagers and it was so cool to catch up with her! It had probably been 20 years since I had seen her. That was really cool.
2. This morning, I woke up really early and enjoyed the quiet of the house and a beautiful scene outside. The clouds were so beautiful.
3. Later, my youngest daughter woke up and cuddled with me on the couch. I love that!

I think I need to keep up this habit of gratitude. It's very therapeutic. I've been working on my physical health lately and as it has improved, I've found new sources of energy and more glimpses of happiness. After practicing identifying happy moments for about half a day, I already feel a bit of a surge in the happiness factor. That's pretty cool!

If you're interested, check out the happier app. Or check out the associated website. I really like it so far! And let me know if you use it; I'd be happy to connect with you on it.

If you want to know more about the site/app, the founder of the company has a pretty cool story. She gave a TED talk about finding happiness that I thought was really insightful. Check it out!

And if you need a quick little uplift and a sample of what this company is all about, check this out: smile.happier.com.