My family went on vacation without me last week and I am temporarily living the single life again until they come home. It's overrated. I much prefer married life. I miss my wife and children tremendously! The week before they left, I had some project demands at work that unfortunately kept me from seeing much of my family that week. Now they're away and won't come back until next weekend and I miss them so much!
I miss my wife's soft touch and gentle reminders to let things go. I miss her telling me to relax, stop working, and enjoy myself. I miss her patience with me. I miss her love. I miss her presence.
I miss my childrens' noise and laughter. I miss wrestling with them and tickling them. I miss reading books with them, playing games with them, and laughing at their antics and jokes.
I'm keeping very busy and that has kept me from pining for them, but I do miss them. Thankfully I have some good friends that are keeping me company, inviting me over for meals, and keeping me from being too lonely. But I'll be just a little despondent until I have those five cute little people back in my home again. They are such an important part of my life. I can't imagine what I would do without them.
Come home soon, honey. I miss you.
Walkenhorst Family
Sunday, June 27, 2010
The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas
I've been listening to some new lectures on CD. They discuss value and how humans place values on various things. This naturally leads to a lot of philosophical discussions. I REALLY enjoyed the first course of lectures I bought on philosophy. I learned so much and found myself often in agreement with the professor, though not so much that it would worry me. This new set of lectures is taught by a professor with whom I do NOT see eye to eye. I disagree with almost everything he says! He mixes definitions of words and uses logic that I find unconvincing. He even begins at times with premises that I question and takes them as self-evident to construct his arguments. Ahh!!!
But in spite of these frustrations, he is very intelligent and I am learning some valuable things, so I'll keep on it. One story he told had reference to the idea of utility and measuring the rightness of a choice or action by the amount of good you can do by that choice/action. The problem with that approach is illustrated beautifully by a fictional story or thought experiment called "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas" by Ursula LeGuin. The story describes a utopian city called Omelas in which the citizens lead idyllic lives, filled with meaningful pursuits, accomplishment, joy, friendship, and whatever else you may choose to call valuable in a life. She attempts to paint a picture that almost anyone could find agreeable and relatively believable. She then describes a little room somewhere in the city.
"In a basement under one of the beautiful public buildings of Omelas, or perhaps in the cellar of one of its spacious homes, there is a room. It has one locked door, and no window. A little light seeps in dustily between cracks in the boards, secondhand from a cobwebbed window somewhere across the cellar. In one corner of the little room a couple of mops, with stiff, clotted, foul-smelling heads, stand near a rusty bucket. The floor is dirt, a little damp to the touch, as cellar dirt usually is.
"The room is about three paces long and two wide: a mere broom closet or disused tool room. In the room, a child is sitting. It could be a boy or a girl. It looks about six, but actually is nearly ten. It is feeble-minded. Perhaps it was born defective, or perhaps it has become imbecile through fear, malnutrition, and neglect. .... It is afraid of the mops. It finds them horrible. It shuts its eyes, but it knows the mops are still standing there; and the door is locked; and nobody will come. The door is always locked; and nobody ever comes, except that sometimes--the child has no understanding of time or interval--sometimes the door rattles terribly and opens, and a person, or several people, are there. One of them may come in and kick the child to make it stand up. The others never come close, but peer in at it with frightened, disgusted eyes. .... The people at the door never say anything, but the child, who has not always lived in the tool room, and can remember sunlight and its mother's voice, sometimes speaks. "I will be good," it says. "Please let me out. I will be good!" They never answer."
It is explained that "they [the citizens of Omelas] all understand that their happiness, the beauty of their city, the tenderness of their friendships, the health of their children, the wisdom of their scholars, the skill of their makers, even the abundance of their harvest and the kindly weathers of their skies, depend wholly upon this child's abominable misery."
Further, the author tells us: "If the child were brought up into the sunlight out of that vile place, if it were cleaned and fed and comforted, that would be a good thing, indeed; but if it were done, in that day and hour all the prosperity and beauty and delight of Omelas would wither and be destroyed. Those are the terms."
Some, when they learn of this injustice, and others at a later time, reject the terms. They walk away from Omelas and never return. The point of this fictional story is to highlight the injustice of weighing the virtue of actions by what brings about the greatest possible good. Something inside of us recoils at the thought of treating another human being that way. That child, who doesn't deserve such evil, has been made an unwilling sacrifice for the benefit of the rest of the city! Despite it being fictional, hearing the story gave me chills. The innocence of the child and the gross injustice he/she suffers makes me want to take the child in my arms and comfort it. I hope you feel as strong a sense of revulsion and disgust as I did on first hearing the story.
The story was brought forcefully to my mind a week ago as we discussed the Atonement of Jesus Christ in a church meeting. As we discussed Christ's willing sacrifice, the thought occurred to me again and again that He did not deserve what He suffered. His spiritual and physical anguish was in payment for sins He didn't commit and, like the child of Omelas, He became a sacrifice to enable billions of others to inherit wonderful joy, to be made whole, and to grow and develop and become like God. The difference between the real story of Christ and the fictional story of Omelas is that Christ was willing.
Nothing in us recoils at the thought that someone may give up his own comfort, his own happiness, even his own life for the benefit of another. We even consider that to be noble. But to make that choice for another - and in Omelas, using an innocent child - making such a choice must be one of the greatest evils we as humans can inflict on each other. It is rationalized to be good by the citizens of Omelas because when weighed on the scales of utility, we find that it does the greatest good for the greatest number of people. And after all, the evil that is done only affects one small child ...
But in spite of these frustrations, he is very intelligent and I am learning some valuable things, so I'll keep on it. One story he told had reference to the idea of utility and measuring the rightness of a choice or action by the amount of good you can do by that choice/action. The problem with that approach is illustrated beautifully by a fictional story or thought experiment called "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas" by Ursula LeGuin. The story describes a utopian city called Omelas in which the citizens lead idyllic lives, filled with meaningful pursuits, accomplishment, joy, friendship, and whatever else you may choose to call valuable in a life. She attempts to paint a picture that almost anyone could find agreeable and relatively believable. She then describes a little room somewhere in the city.
"In a basement under one of the beautiful public buildings of Omelas, or perhaps in the cellar of one of its spacious homes, there is a room. It has one locked door, and no window. A little light seeps in dustily between cracks in the boards, secondhand from a cobwebbed window somewhere across the cellar. In one corner of the little room a couple of mops, with stiff, clotted, foul-smelling heads, stand near a rusty bucket. The floor is dirt, a little damp to the touch, as cellar dirt usually is.
"The room is about three paces long and two wide: a mere broom closet or disused tool room. In the room, a child is sitting. It could be a boy or a girl. It looks about six, but actually is nearly ten. It is feeble-minded. Perhaps it was born defective, or perhaps it has become imbecile through fear, malnutrition, and neglect. .... It is afraid of the mops. It finds them horrible. It shuts its eyes, but it knows the mops are still standing there; and the door is locked; and nobody will come. The door is always locked; and nobody ever comes, except that sometimes--the child has no understanding of time or interval--sometimes the door rattles terribly and opens, and a person, or several people, are there. One of them may come in and kick the child to make it stand up. The others never come close, but peer in at it with frightened, disgusted eyes. .... The people at the door never say anything, but the child, who has not always lived in the tool room, and can remember sunlight and its mother's voice, sometimes speaks. "I will be good," it says. "Please let me out. I will be good!" They never answer."
It is explained that "they [the citizens of Omelas] all understand that their happiness, the beauty of their city, the tenderness of their friendships, the health of their children, the wisdom of their scholars, the skill of their makers, even the abundance of their harvest and the kindly weathers of their skies, depend wholly upon this child's abominable misery."
Further, the author tells us: "If the child were brought up into the sunlight out of that vile place, if it were cleaned and fed and comforted, that would be a good thing, indeed; but if it were done, in that day and hour all the prosperity and beauty and delight of Omelas would wither and be destroyed. Those are the terms."
Some, when they learn of this injustice, and others at a later time, reject the terms. They walk away from Omelas and never return. The point of this fictional story is to highlight the injustice of weighing the virtue of actions by what brings about the greatest possible good. Something inside of us recoils at the thought of treating another human being that way. That child, who doesn't deserve such evil, has been made an unwilling sacrifice for the benefit of the rest of the city! Despite it being fictional, hearing the story gave me chills. The innocence of the child and the gross injustice he/she suffers makes me want to take the child in my arms and comfort it. I hope you feel as strong a sense of revulsion and disgust as I did on first hearing the story.
The story was brought forcefully to my mind a week ago as we discussed the Atonement of Jesus Christ in a church meeting. As we discussed Christ's willing sacrifice, the thought occurred to me again and again that He did not deserve what He suffered. His spiritual and physical anguish was in payment for sins He didn't commit and, like the child of Omelas, He became a sacrifice to enable billions of others to inherit wonderful joy, to be made whole, and to grow and develop and become like God. The difference between the real story of Christ and the fictional story of Omelas is that Christ was willing.
Nothing in us recoils at the thought that someone may give up his own comfort, his own happiness, even his own life for the benefit of another. We even consider that to be noble. But to make that choice for another - and in Omelas, using an innocent child - making such a choice must be one of the greatest evils we as humans can inflict on each other. It is rationalized to be good by the citizens of Omelas because when weighed on the scales of utility, we find that it does the greatest good for the greatest number of people. And after all, the evil that is done only affects one small child ...
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Nicholas Nickleby
My wife and I watched a movie last night called "Nicholas Nickleby" based on the book by Charles Dickens. Beautiful story. I haven't read much of Dickens, but I think I'd better start. The script was beautiful and some of the most poetic parts were almost certainly lifted straight from Dickens' book.
It's the story of a young man who loses his father at age 19 and becomes the head of his small family consisting of himself, his mother, and his younger sister. They seek help from a rich uncle who is a bit of a scoundrel. Eventually, they are able to make their own way, but the young man's honor and virtue are tested many times. Ultimately, this good-hearted young man overcomes the obstacles in his path, wins over many friends by his natural kindness, and ends very happily.
The storyline is a little too neat to be real, but the story is beautiful all the same. I was really impressed with the acting from some big stars and some relative newcomers. More than anything, though, I was impressed by Dickens' story. I think I'd better go check out some of his books.
It's the story of a young man who loses his father at age 19 and becomes the head of his small family consisting of himself, his mother, and his younger sister. They seek help from a rich uncle who is a bit of a scoundrel. Eventually, they are able to make their own way, but the young man's honor and virtue are tested many times. Ultimately, this good-hearted young man overcomes the obstacles in his path, wins over many friends by his natural kindness, and ends very happily.
The storyline is a little too neat to be real, but the story is beautiful all the same. I was really impressed with the acting from some big stars and some relative newcomers. More than anything, though, I was impressed by Dickens' story. I think I'd better go check out some of his books.
Living a Balanced Life
Last weekend, I helped out with a Youth Conference for some of the young people in my Church. It was a three-day event and was a really good experience. All the youth seemed to really enjoy it and I did too. The theme of the conference was "Living a Balanced Life". Going into the conference, I was sleep deprived, overworked, and stressed out. I had to pull away for several hours during the conference to get some work done. I left early one night to get some extra sleep. I felt like a hypocrite talking about "balance" when I was so out of balance myself.
But the conference was a blessing in that it helped me to shift my focus away from myself and helped me gain a little broader perspective. Although a hypocrite going in, I feel a little more balanced coming out of the conference. I'm still busy, but I've taken some time for exercise, found time for a little more sleep, and have been managing my workload a little differently by putting off some of the less important things that have been demanding so much of my time lately.
Life is a challenge. Especially with young children and all the demands of family, work, and other activities. I know I'm not alone in this. Finding the right balance is a struggle for many people I've talked to. I think one of the most important principles is to keep first things first. When I keep God my number priority, everything else tends to work out pretty well, but it's still not easy. A leader in my Church, President Benson, once said, "When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." I've found that to be true for me, but it does take a lot of work to keep my focus on the right things.
What about you? How do you keep your priorities straight? How do you keep the right perspective and find the proper balance?
But the conference was a blessing in that it helped me to shift my focus away from myself and helped me gain a little broader perspective. Although a hypocrite going in, I feel a little more balanced coming out of the conference. I'm still busy, but I've taken some time for exercise, found time for a little more sleep, and have been managing my workload a little differently by putting off some of the less important things that have been demanding so much of my time lately.
Life is a challenge. Especially with young children and all the demands of family, work, and other activities. I know I'm not alone in this. Finding the right balance is a struggle for many people I've talked to. I think one of the most important principles is to keep first things first. When I keep God my number priority, everything else tends to work out pretty well, but it's still not easy. A leader in my Church, President Benson, once said, "When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." I've found that to be true for me, but it does take a lot of work to keep my focus on the right things.
What about you? How do you keep your priorities straight? How do you keep the right perspective and find the proper balance?
Gandhi on Exercise
In reading Gandhi's autobiography, he has written several times of his habit of taking walks. He wrote once of a conversation he had with a friend and mentor named Gokhale, who was extremely busy with public service. The conversation follows.
" 'But you do not even go out for walks,' said I. 'Is it surprising that you should be always ailing? Should public work leave no time for physical exercise?'
" 'When do you ever find me free to go out for a walk?' he replied.
"I had such a great regard for Gokhale that I never strove with him. Though this reply was far from satisfying me, I remained silent. I believed then and I believe even now, that, no matter what amount of work one has, one should always find some time for exercise, just as one does for one's meals. It is my humble opinion that, far from taking away from one's capacity for work, it adds to it."
When I was in school, working full-time to support my family, attempting to engage in other activities in my Church and community, and trying to be a decent husband and father, I felt like I didn't have time for exercise. After finishing school some months ago, I began to work out two or three times a week. I started swimming mostly and I LOVED the feeling of getting in shape again.
Recently, I've been so busy with work that I've neglected to exercise again. When I neglect it, I find my body and mind become stagnant. It's harder for me to focus and get work done. Everything starts to suffer when one part of my life gets out of whack. Physical exercise is so much more important than I've often imagined. I love the feeling of energy and vitality that flows through my body when I've had a good workout. I need to be more faithful in doing it.
" 'But you do not even go out for walks,' said I. 'Is it surprising that you should be always ailing? Should public work leave no time for physical exercise?'
" 'When do you ever find me free to go out for a walk?' he replied.
"I had such a great regard for Gokhale that I never strove with him. Though this reply was far from satisfying me, I remained silent. I believed then and I believe even now, that, no matter what amount of work one has, one should always find some time for exercise, just as one does for one's meals. It is my humble opinion that, far from taking away from one's capacity for work, it adds to it."
When I was in school, working full-time to support my family, attempting to engage in other activities in my Church and community, and trying to be a decent husband and father, I felt like I didn't have time for exercise. After finishing school some months ago, I began to work out two or three times a week. I started swimming mostly and I LOVED the feeling of getting in shape again.
Recently, I've been so busy with work that I've neglected to exercise again. When I neglect it, I find my body and mind become stagnant. It's harder for me to focus and get work done. Everything starts to suffer when one part of my life gets out of whack. Physical exercise is so much more important than I've often imagined. I love the feeling of energy and vitality that flows through my body when I've had a good workout. I need to be more faithful in doing it.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Gandhi on Journalism
Gandhi published a weekly journal for years called Indian Opinion. His description of that experience reminded me of my hopes for this blog. It also contained some wonderful thoughts on journalism in general.
He writes, "Indian Opinion ... was a mirror of part of my life. Week after week I poured out my soul in its columns .... I cannot recall a word in those articles set down without thought or deliberation, or a word of conscious exaggeration, or anything merely to please. Indeed the journal became for me a training in self-restraint, and for friends a medium through which to keep in touch with my thoughts. .... For me it became a means for the study of human nature in all its casts and shades, as I always aimed at establishing an intimate and clean bond between the editor and the readers. I was inundated with letters containing the outpouring of my correspondents' hearts. They were friendly, critical or bitter, according to the temper of the writer. It was a fine education for me to study, digest and answer all this correspondence."
Later, he says, "In the very first month of Indian Opinion, I realized that the sole aim of journalism should be service. The newspaper press is a great power, but just as an unchained torrent of water submerges whole countrysides and devastates crops, even so an uncontrolled pen serves but to destroy. If the control is from without, it proves more poisonous than want of control. It can be profitable only when exercised from within. If this line of reasoning is correct, how many of the journals in the world would stand the test? But who would stop those that are useless? And who should be the judge? The useful and the useless must, like good and evil generally, go on together, and man must make his choice."
Once again, the emphasis is mine. I can't claim to have the wisdom of a Gandhi, but I hope that my attempt to publish my thoughts will be found useful and good. And although popular opinion is almost never a just judge, I hope that you, dear reader, will make a positive judgment of my work by your choice to continue to read my thoughts ... and to share yours with me.
He writes, "Indian Opinion ... was a mirror of part of my life. Week after week I poured out my soul in its columns .... I cannot recall a word in those articles set down without thought or deliberation, or a word of conscious exaggeration, or anything merely to please. Indeed the journal became for me a training in self-restraint, and for friends a medium through which to keep in touch with my thoughts. .... For me it became a means for the study of human nature in all its casts and shades, as I always aimed at establishing an intimate and clean bond between the editor and the readers. I was inundated with letters containing the outpouring of my correspondents' hearts. They were friendly, critical or bitter, according to the temper of the writer. It was a fine education for me to study, digest and answer all this correspondence."
Later, he says, "In the very first month of Indian Opinion, I realized that the sole aim of journalism should be service. The newspaper press is a great power, but just as an unchained torrent of water submerges whole countrysides and devastates crops, even so an uncontrolled pen serves but to destroy. If the control is from without, it proves more poisonous than want of control. It can be profitable only when exercised from within. If this line of reasoning is correct, how many of the journals in the world would stand the test? But who would stop those that are useless? And who should be the judge? The useful and the useless must, like good and evil generally, go on together, and man must make his choice."
Once again, the emphasis is mine. I can't claim to have the wisdom of a Gandhi, but I hope that my attempt to publish my thoughts will be found useful and good. And although popular opinion is almost never a just judge, I hope that you, dear reader, will make a positive judgment of my work by your choice to continue to read my thoughts ... and to share yours with me.
The Doer and The Deed
I started reading Gandhi's autobiography a month or two ago. The whole book is incredible. Almost every chapter has a piece of wisdom that I find profound enough to mark and plan to study later. A few days ago, I read a part that I thought was the most powerful yet. I'll share it here without further comment, though the emphasis is mine.
"Man and his deed are two distinct things. Whereas a good deed should call forth approbation and a wicked deed disapprobation, the doer of the deed, whether good or wicked, always deserves respect or pity as the case may be. 'Hate the sin and not the sinner' is a precept which, though easy enough to understand, is rarely practised, and that is why the poison of hatred spreads in the world.
"... It is quire proper to resist and attack a system, but to resist and attack its author is tantamount to resisting and attacking oneself. For we are all tarred with the same brush, and are children of one and the same Creator, and as such the divine powers within us are infinite. To slight a single human being is to slight those divine powers, and thus to harm not only that being but with him the whole world."
"Man and his deed are two distinct things. Whereas a good deed should call forth approbation and a wicked deed disapprobation, the doer of the deed, whether good or wicked, always deserves respect or pity as the case may be. 'Hate the sin and not the sinner' is a precept which, though easy enough to understand, is rarely practised, and that is why the poison of hatred spreads in the world.
"... It is quire proper to resist and attack a system, but to resist and attack its author is tantamount to resisting and attacking oneself. For we are all tarred with the same brush, and are children of one and the same Creator, and as such the divine powers within us are infinite. To slight a single human being is to slight those divine powers, and thus to harm not only that being but with him the whole world."
Consistency and Security
My wife and I have noticed over the years that our children like to push buttons. Not just buttons on remotes, televisions, and kitchen appliances, but buttons on people. My wife and I have several buttons labeled “annoy me”, “make me angry”, and “tickle me” to name a few. Well, actually, I don't have that last one, but my wife does and I still get a kick out of pushing those buttons.
Last night, as I was driving home from work, I was doing some thinking ... and it occurred to me why children do that. Hopefully I can explain it. I think we, as humans, have in our nature a desire for stability and security. We want to understand our environment and come to know what to expect from it. We seek something solid, some anchor on which to rely. When we're young, we're thrust into this world of uncertainty where reality seems to be constantly shifting its demands on us and its reactions to our choices. Parents and family seem to be the initial anchor that children cling to for stability.
In order to feel secure, the children seek to understand these big black boxes called “mom” and “dad” by pushing buttons. They do something to get a reaction. When they push a certain button three or four times and get the same reaction, they have a high degree of confidence in the result should they push that button again. If they push that button and get a different reaction each time, they end up feeling confused and insecure, not understanding the inner workings of that mysterious black box. This leads them to continue to “explore” by pushing the button more and more.
While it may seem like we're doing them a favor by giving in to their whining and demands (or maybe it just requires less energy and becomes a cop-out when we're tired or not in the mood to fight), we're leaving them vulnerable and more likely to repeat that behavior in a seemingly irrational attempt to understand us better. It's not irrational from their point of view, but seems like it from an adult's perspective because we already understand our environment at a certain level while they're still grasping for the basics.
Consistency is SO important in dealing with and disciplining children. Even if it sometimes seems like exceptions should be made (and leniency may be called for, but not outright exceptions, in my opinion), making those exceptions may be detrimental to their well-being, their behavior, and the parent-child relationship. Children need consistency to feel like they know what to expect from you. They need to know what to expect to feel secure in their environment. The need for that security seems to be a fundamental need in human nature … and if they don't get security from you, they'll find it somehow even if it's from an unhealthy source.
I should mention that consistent bad behavior in parents, like those first two buttons I mentioned (anger and annoy), doesn't have the same healthy benefit. In addition to consistency, we may need to re-wire some of our buttons.
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