Emotion vs. Logic

My son shared with me a frustration on Saturday and his argument was irrational. We were at a scouting activity and he was being excluded because other non-scouts had taken all the available slots. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me that people who weren't scouts shouldn't be allowed to participate. I tried to reason with him by telling him it was a family activity and if they didn't allow siblings to participate, families wouldn't want to come. He became more frustrated ... go figure.

Then I realized he was trying to share a feeling with me and the only words he could find were couched in something that didn't make sense ... and he knew it didn't make sense. But it was all he could find to share with me his angst because he felt excluded from the activity.

Feelings often don't seem to be rationally based or, if they are, we can't always find a rational way to explain them. We're too busy feeling them. But we need to share them with each other in order to bond and sometimes in order to deal with the emotions and let them go.

I often forget this in practice, but I think it's so important, when someone is sharing a feeling, particularly a negative one, to just listen. Refrain from giving advice. Refrain from passing judgment. Don't try to use logic. Just listen, empathize, try to enter into their emotion, recast it in your own words to make sure you understand what they're feeling, and let them talk it out.

Women seem to be much more emotional than men on average and I've had to learn this idea with my wife to keep our marriage healthy and happy. Unfortunately, I'm a very logical, left-brain kind of guy and I still mess up a lot .. but I'm getting better.