To be clear, the story is far too complicated to make anyone completely understand it, so keep in mind that there's always more to the story. But a big part of it had to do with my job. I found myself working a significant number of hours each week for purposes that I couldn't really reconcile with my ultimate goals. I wanted to be a good husband, father, neighbor, and friend. I wanted to have fun in life, to grow, and be happy. But my job wasn't always conducive to those objectives.
I have always felt that life was about much more than just seeking for wealth to satisfy bodily appetites and secure comforts and luxuries. I knew many people who seemed to worship wealth and that attitude disgusted me. It still does. I was not working for that end, but I knew I had to have the paycheck to feed, clothe, and shelter my family. I consider it my duty to provide for them, but I couldn't work just for a paycheck.
I also couldn't really put my heart into all of the ostensible objectives of the projects I was working on. Those objectives varied with the customer and followed their ultimate business objectives. None of them seemed very satisfying to me. This has been particularly frustrating for me when, at times, I see the value of a customer's stated objectives, but those objectives become muddled and confused by politics. Most of the time, it all seemed trivial and pointless.
Another aspect of my work that troubled me at times was the potential for evil applications of my work. My field is a technical one and such ideas can be used for both good or evil. There is nothing inherently good or evil about technology; it is only in the application of technology that it becomes good or evil. And by the time it gets to that point, it's out of my hands. So, recognizing the potential for evil that can come from developing new ideas, I sometimes felt that my actions didn't line up with my ultimate objectives in life to be a useful member of society and to do good to those around me. To explain this more fully, I would have to give out information about specific customers and projects and that wouldn't be fair to my customers. But hopefully you get the idea.
Part of my solution came from my supervisor at work. We had a discussion about some of these disconnects between my work and my desires in life and he gave me some very helpful advice. Although I may not agree with the direction of a particular customer's business, by being the best I can be, I can make a positive difference in the lives of those with whom I interact. Regardless of what goes on around me, I can be an influence for good and help to shape projects and objectives to be in line with what I find important. I discovered that being perceived as an expert in a certain field gave me a great deal of freedom to choose 'what' I choose to focus on and how I spend my time. I don't neglect my customers' objectives, but I do choose how I go about seeking to meet those objectives. I chose to become the master of my own fate, to stop reacting to others' needs, and to willfully plan my actions based on the way I understood the situation and the needs of the various participants. I choose 'what' I will do.
The second, and most liberating, discovery for me was to realize that not only was I free to do what I wanted, but I was free to do it for whatever reasons I chose. When I am working on a project for a customer, I pay attention to their needs and what they are trying to get out of the relationship - this is their 'why'. But my reasons for working don't have to line up with theirs for the relationship to be productive. I always keep their 'why' in mind, but I realized that I have the freedom to choose my own 'why'. I choose why I work and bring my actions in line with that 'why'. When I discovered this, I suddenly found I had the power to choose what was important to me and to be certain that my actions were in line with those ultimate objectives in my life. I now choose 'what' I will do and 'why' I do it.
I now work, not for a paycheck, or for a customer, but for myself. I can't completely ignore the other two, but there's an odd thing I have observed about that attitude. I have found that by focusing on what's important to me, a seemingly selfish attitude, I am happier, more productive, and better able to give my customers what they need. Their objectives are better fulfilled by me keeping their objectives subservient to my own. And of course some of the things that make me happy are positive relationships with others and making a difference for good for more people than just myself. Because I am doing better work by choosing my 'what' and 'why', I am keeping my customers happy and my paycheck healthy even though I don't focus on those two things as ultimate ends. They are just nice byproducts of exercising my newly discovered freedom.
If you ever feel like you're a slave to your job - or to anything in life - see if you can't find a way to seize ownership and choose your own 'what' and 'why'. You may have to get a little creative. And you can't be so selfish that you neglect others around you. In fact, be selfishly concerned about others because that's the only way you can be really happy. But by keeping things in perspective, focusing on what's most important to you, and keeping your actions in line with those ultimate objectives, you may find you serve everyone better ... including yourself.
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