Starting in February, I cut my hours at work to 80% (32 hours a week). I had lots of reasons for doing this, but the most important ones had to do with my family. For the past 6.5 years, I have been extremely busy with school and a full-time job, which kept me from spending as much time with my family as I would have liked. Since I finished with school in August, I have been feeling a desire to reconnect with my family. Another reason is that my wife has rarely had a break or a vacation since we started having children. Even when we go on vacation, she's still extremely busy taking care of our family. With four young children, imagine what that feels like. I believe she has sometimes felt trapped. I felt the desire to liberate her from some of the demands of being a mother so she could figure out what was important to her outside of that challenging role. I hope it has been helpful to her.
My schedule now goes something like this: I wake up with the kids around 6 or 6:30am, help them get ready, make breakfast, pack their lunches, read scriptures with them, and take the two oldest to school. I then head straight to work. I get off work in time to get home and make dinner. While I'm home, the kids and I clean the house and I'm around to put the kids to bed. My wife still has to take care of the kids after school before I get home, but most of her cooking and cleaning is taken care of by me ... and sometimes even laundry. I know she appreciates it, but even if she didn't, I have enjoyed being with my family and taking care of those things for her. I have had more time to play with my kids, though not as much as I would like, and I feel more connected to my family than I have since the early days of my marriage.
How did an extra 8 hours a week bring me so much satisfaction and happiness? It's well worth the income I'm giving up. I don't know how long I'll keep this up, but I'll probably do it until it feels right to go back to full time. It may be a few months, maybe a year. I don't really care. For as long as it lasts, I'll enjoy it. And in the midst of trying to be a bit of both mom and dad, I'll try to remember to make time to play with my wife and kids.
I've already felt the freedom to plan and take my wife on two dates this month. The quantity and quality was a bit more than we're used to, but I'm hoping we can keep it up. On the first date, we went to a dinner theater where a local group performed a murder mystery comedy. It was great! Very fun to get dressed up and go out and play. On the second, we went on a double date with some good friends of ours to a local museum. That was a lot of fun too.
When all the nonsense of life has been stripped away, I've come to realize that money isn't all that important. It's necessary and we all have to have enough to live, but beyond that, it doesn't really mean much. Relationships with others - with God, with family, and with friends - are the only things that really matter. They are the things that give life most of its meaning. This act has, in a way, been my repudiation of the world and its incessant striving for all the things that the media claims we need in order to be happy. I'm trading money for time with my family and although it has only been about three weeks, my experiment seems to be paying off.
Walkenhorst Family
Monday, February 22, 2010
Individual Morality
I heard recently of an initiative for large banks to develop extremely fast information technology equipment to enable them to profit from market trades. As it was explained to me, it goes something like this. Many market trades are now done electronically. A seller puts out an offer to sell at a certain "ask" price. A buyer puts out a bid for the same shares (though likely a different number of shares) at a certain "bid" price. If those prices overlap (bid is higher than ask), the market server executes a trade. If they don't overlap, they just sit there until they find a partner they can make the deal with.
From what I was told, these large banks are trying to beat the speed of the market servers by putting out a bid and somehow by doing so, they learn whether there is an ask price that matches. When that happens, they retract the bid so quickly, the market server doesn't have time to execute the trade. They then lower their bid and repeat until they reach the seller's ask price. Now, I'm no economist and I may have misunderstood some of the details, but based on my understanding of this, I have a problem with it.
These banks that want to pull this little trick are obtaining a little extra wealth without generating anything of value. That means they are sucking money away from those poor schmucks (like me) who don't have this trick up their sleeves. Economics is not generally a zero-sum game, but when no one is generating value, it becomes a zero-sum game. It's not quite theft, but it's similar.
I have long believed that in business, if it's not a good deal for everyone, it's simply not a good deal. Let me explain what I mean by that. Developing trust is how we grow business. I develop trust with customers and partners by acting honestly and honorably. At work, we have a list of organizational values. The first value on that list is "integrity" and one of the reasons I love my job is that we take that value seriously. There have been times when we have reported unfavorable results from our research to our customers, knowing they would not be happy with the product. But we have done it because it was the honest answer. This has sometimes hurt us in the short term, but I believe it has always been good for us in the long run because our customers see us as an honest broker. They know they can trust us to do the right thing.
Integrity is a key in doing good business in the long run. There are other morals and ethics that feed into running a good business, but I'm not going to try to list them all because I know I'd leave some out. The execution of these virtues while seeking to earn a living is what Adam Smith called "enlightened self interest." That phrase does not mean that you seek to get whatever you can out of the world (as many have assumed), but rather that you seek to make your living within a moral framework, recognizing that those morals ultimately come back to benefit you. You act with honor and integrity in business and your business will grow, giving you more opportunities to provide valuable goods and services to those who may want or need them. Within a free market, this type of economy actually blesses the poor by making products more widely and less expensively available. It also encourages people to be free to pursue their own interests and keep the fruits of their labors.
Adam Smith, by the way, was a professor of moral philosophy. He is regarded as the father of modern economics.
An economy as described by Smith should be based on freedom, but operating within a moral framework on an individual level. Without such a moral framework, this system can deteriorate into subjection of the poor, not by political tyrants, but by the wealthy. In our government, Republicans often extol the benefits of the free market system, but without a moral code applied on an individual level, that market can quickly become a means of economic tyranny fueled by greed. Democrats are more likely to condemn the whole system and then try to compensate for the failings by redistributing wealth to benefit the poor. That sounds laudable, but it's ultimately coercion and ends up harming both the poor and the wealthy.
Freedom is precious. It can't be forced or legislated. It has to be earned. Joseph de Maistre wrote in 1811, "Every nation has the government it deserves." I think governments around the world are becoming more invasive and tyrannical because those internal controls on an individual level (a moral compass or true self-government) are lacking in many of us today. In 1798, John Adams said, "We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion .... Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other." No government can force us to act honorably and no external pressure can change who we are on the inside. See my previous post on A Pure Heart.
There is simply no good substitute for individual morality.
From what I was told, these large banks are trying to beat the speed of the market servers by putting out a bid and somehow by doing so, they learn whether there is an ask price that matches. When that happens, they retract the bid so quickly, the market server doesn't have time to execute the trade. They then lower their bid and repeat until they reach the seller's ask price. Now, I'm no economist and I may have misunderstood some of the details, but based on my understanding of this, I have a problem with it.
These banks that want to pull this little trick are obtaining a little extra wealth without generating anything of value. That means they are sucking money away from those poor schmucks (like me) who don't have this trick up their sleeves. Economics is not generally a zero-sum game, but when no one is generating value, it becomes a zero-sum game. It's not quite theft, but it's similar.
I have long believed that in business, if it's not a good deal for everyone, it's simply not a good deal. Let me explain what I mean by that. Developing trust is how we grow business. I develop trust with customers and partners by acting honestly and honorably. At work, we have a list of organizational values. The first value on that list is "integrity" and one of the reasons I love my job is that we take that value seriously. There have been times when we have reported unfavorable results from our research to our customers, knowing they would not be happy with the product. But we have done it because it was the honest answer. This has sometimes hurt us in the short term, but I believe it has always been good for us in the long run because our customers see us as an honest broker. They know they can trust us to do the right thing.
Integrity is a key in doing good business in the long run. There are other morals and ethics that feed into running a good business, but I'm not going to try to list them all because I know I'd leave some out. The execution of these virtues while seeking to earn a living is what Adam Smith called "enlightened self interest." That phrase does not mean that you seek to get whatever you can out of the world (as many have assumed), but rather that you seek to make your living within a moral framework, recognizing that those morals ultimately come back to benefit you. You act with honor and integrity in business and your business will grow, giving you more opportunities to provide valuable goods and services to those who may want or need them. Within a free market, this type of economy actually blesses the poor by making products more widely and less expensively available. It also encourages people to be free to pursue their own interests and keep the fruits of their labors.
Adam Smith, by the way, was a professor of moral philosophy. He is regarded as the father of modern economics.
An economy as described by Smith should be based on freedom, but operating within a moral framework on an individual level. Without such a moral framework, this system can deteriorate into subjection of the poor, not by political tyrants, but by the wealthy. In our government, Republicans often extol the benefits of the free market system, but without a moral code applied on an individual level, that market can quickly become a means of economic tyranny fueled by greed. Democrats are more likely to condemn the whole system and then try to compensate for the failings by redistributing wealth to benefit the poor. That sounds laudable, but it's ultimately coercion and ends up harming both the poor and the wealthy.
Freedom is precious. It can't be forced or legislated. It has to be earned. Joseph de Maistre wrote in 1811, "Every nation has the government it deserves." I think governments around the world are becoming more invasive and tyrannical because those internal controls on an individual level (a moral compass or true self-government) are lacking in many of us today. In 1798, John Adams said, "We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion .... Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other." No government can force us to act honorably and no external pressure can change who we are on the inside. See my previous post on A Pure Heart.
There is simply no good substitute for individual morality.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Sick
Everyone in my family has been sick with a cold this last week. I haven't felt motivated to post anything lately because I haven't had much time or energy. In the last couple of years, I've used a zinc nasal gel called Zicam as soon as I get the first symptom of a cold and since using it, I have rarely been sick. When I have gotten sick, the cold lasts for a couple days and then it's gone. This time, I tried to use it, but I didn't realize the bottle was empty. I bought a new one about a day later. I haven't had a cold hit me this hard in a long time.
Emily always suffers the worst from these colds. She has been laid up for a few days, but I think she's feeling a little better this morning. Tuesday was especially rough on her because she got very little sleep Monday night. Unfortunately, that was the day I had a customer flying in to meet with me, so I couldn't ditch work. Normally my job is extremely flexible and I'm so grateful for that. Thankfully, we have some wonderful friends that I called Tuesday morning and our kids were out of the house the entire day. One of those friends made dinner for us that night.
Being far away from family is tough and at times like this, I wish we were closer. But I'm really grateful for friends, some of whom we have adopted as family, who help us out when things get tough. Thanks everyone.
Emily always suffers the worst from these colds. She has been laid up for a few days, but I think she's feeling a little better this morning. Tuesday was especially rough on her because she got very little sleep Monday night. Unfortunately, that was the day I had a customer flying in to meet with me, so I couldn't ditch work. Normally my job is extremely flexible and I'm so grateful for that. Thankfully, we have some wonderful friends that I called Tuesday morning and our kids were out of the house the entire day. One of those friends made dinner for us that night.
Being far away from family is tough and at times like this, I wish we were closer. But I'm really grateful for friends, some of whom we have adopted as family, who help us out when things get tough. Thanks everyone.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Snow in the South
I LOVE snow! We got a good bit of it recently and since we're in the South, we don't handle it too well. Everything was canceled before the snow even fell. My kids have had a great time playing in it. Notice the snowman in the first picture (click on the picture for a larger view). There aren't too many things I would change about the South, but the snow is one thing I miss. We rarely get it, but when we do, it transforms the world. I love the beauty of a newly fallen snow.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Chronological Snobbery
Emily bought me some lectures on CD for my birthday to help make my commute a little less boring. She bought me a course on C.S. Lewis and one on Philosophy. I LOVE the writings of C.S. Lewis. I have read many of his books, but not most of them. He wrote too much for me to ever read all of what he wrote. His letters alone fill volumes and he was very prolific in his published works. I started listening to the lectures on Lewis last week and it has been a lot of fun.
This morning, the lecturer taught about a concept Lewis called "Chronological Snobbery" or the idea that newer is better, that we now know what those poor ignorant ancients never grasped, and we can laugh at their cute ideas of nature, of humanity, and of the universe while recognizing our own moral and intellectual superiority. Related to the ideas of Darwin that we, as a species, are constantly evolving, chronological snobbery asserts that humanity progresses in knowledge and the past is not something we learn wisdom from so much as something to scoff at.
Lewis admits that in some areas, human beings have progressed and continue to progress, but he blasts the idea in general and asserts that it is logically untenable. One argument he presents goes something like this. If we are indeed constantly evolving, then the arrogant assumption that we now have it right is an incredible leap of faith. What about ten years from now when we learn something new? As an example, in post-Newtonian physics, scientists were pretty sure they had the mechanics of the Universe pretty well figured out. They had equations and models to represent the reality they observed and empirical and theoretical results seemed to match pretty well. Those models led to amazing advances in technology, some of which still continue today based on that foundation of Newtonian physics. But Einstein came along and said, "That's great, but it's not quite right." as he offered us his theories of special and general relativity. These theories break down to Newtonian physics under certain assumptions, but he challenged "laws" of physics that had been accepted for centuries. His theories are now widely accepted.
Poor ignorant Newton. Now we've got it figured out. But who's to say Einstein got it right? Scientists from Newton to Einstein were pretty smug about the ignorance of their predecessors and their own enlightenment. Why, in our arrogance, do we assume that Einstein got the whole story or that his models are even valid, or if they are, that they are exclusively valid? Each new generation, each age, makes their models of life and the universe over again in their own image. The medieval literati employed a hierarchical model of nature and the universe. We employ a democratic model with "laws" that nature obeys.
Lewis challenges the modern views on many things and often harks back to the medieval ages. The lecturer even stated that Lewis challenged some very common assumptions on medieval thinking and labeled them as propaganda. He claims that the idea that people before Columbus thought the world was flat is a lie and he quotes from many sources demonstrating an awareness that the world was round. He also attacks the idea that medieval people had no concept of the vastness of space. Lewis provides quotes to challenge that assumption. He says that the intelligentsia understood these things in a way similar to our modern understanding. He claims the common man really didn't think of them at all. Those ideas surprised me a little, but I'll have to look into that more to be sure for myself.
Lewis had more to say on the subject of chronological snobbery than I can post about, but if I made my posts long enough to really explore what Lewis said, no one would want to read my blog. I'm sure he defended his position much better than I have. But this is my blog, not his. And my thoughts superimposed on his ideas are the best I can offer.
If you haven't read Lewis, give him a try. He'll challenge your way of thinking. That's always a fun experience for me. I don't agree with everything of his that I've read, but then again, I've never read a book I agree with 100%. Give him a try and see if he doesn't challenge you to revise the way you see the world just a little bit. After listening to these lectures, I'm ready to re-read some of his stuff with new eyes and tackle some of his works that I haven't gotten to yet.
This morning, the lecturer taught about a concept Lewis called "Chronological Snobbery" or the idea that newer is better, that we now know what those poor ignorant ancients never grasped, and we can laugh at their cute ideas of nature, of humanity, and of the universe while recognizing our own moral and intellectual superiority. Related to the ideas of Darwin that we, as a species, are constantly evolving, chronological snobbery asserts that humanity progresses in knowledge and the past is not something we learn wisdom from so much as something to scoff at.
Lewis admits that in some areas, human beings have progressed and continue to progress, but he blasts the idea in general and asserts that it is logically untenable. One argument he presents goes something like this. If we are indeed constantly evolving, then the arrogant assumption that we now have it right is an incredible leap of faith. What about ten years from now when we learn something new? As an example, in post-Newtonian physics, scientists were pretty sure they had the mechanics of the Universe pretty well figured out. They had equations and models to represent the reality they observed and empirical and theoretical results seemed to match pretty well. Those models led to amazing advances in technology, some of which still continue today based on that foundation of Newtonian physics. But Einstein came along and said, "That's great, but it's not quite right." as he offered us his theories of special and general relativity. These theories break down to Newtonian physics under certain assumptions, but he challenged "laws" of physics that had been accepted for centuries. His theories are now widely accepted.
Poor ignorant Newton. Now we've got it figured out. But who's to say Einstein got it right? Scientists from Newton to Einstein were pretty smug about the ignorance of their predecessors and their own enlightenment. Why, in our arrogance, do we assume that Einstein got the whole story or that his models are even valid, or if they are, that they are exclusively valid? Each new generation, each age, makes their models of life and the universe over again in their own image. The medieval literati employed a hierarchical model of nature and the universe. We employ a democratic model with "laws" that nature obeys.
Lewis challenges the modern views on many things and often harks back to the medieval ages. The lecturer even stated that Lewis challenged some very common assumptions on medieval thinking and labeled them as propaganda. He claims that the idea that people before Columbus thought the world was flat is a lie and he quotes from many sources demonstrating an awareness that the world was round. He also attacks the idea that medieval people had no concept of the vastness of space. Lewis provides quotes to challenge that assumption. He says that the intelligentsia understood these things in a way similar to our modern understanding. He claims the common man really didn't think of them at all. Those ideas surprised me a little, but I'll have to look into that more to be sure for myself.
Lewis had more to say on the subject of chronological snobbery than I can post about, but if I made my posts long enough to really explore what Lewis said, no one would want to read my blog. I'm sure he defended his position much better than I have. But this is my blog, not his. And my thoughts superimposed on his ideas are the best I can offer.
If you haven't read Lewis, give him a try. He'll challenge your way of thinking. That's always a fun experience for me. I don't agree with everything of his that I've read, but then again, I've never read a book I agree with 100%. Give him a try and see if he doesn't challenge you to revise the way you see the world just a little bit. After listening to these lectures, I'm ready to re-read some of his stuff with new eyes and tackle some of his works that I haven't gotten to yet.
Monday, February 8, 2010
New Car
Emily and I were planning to go to the temple on Saturday. We decided to take our Saturn. Actually, I decided to take the Saturn. Emily expressed concern about whether the car would make it that far (the temple is just over two hours away by car). I assured her it would be just fine. By the end of this post, it should be clear to you how fantastic my wife is. I really feel fortunate to have such a woman as my bride.
About an hour into the drive, we were headed up a hill on the Interstate and, engine still chugging away, my speed started dropping. I think it was about 35mph when we got to the top of the hill. I got a nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach because 1) I was pretty sure our trip to the temple had just been canceled and 2) I had been an arrogant fool in assuring my wife that everything would be fine. Being arrogant and foolish isn't new for me, but I don't like being that way.
For background info on this car, see my earlier post. Since the "oil in the cylinder" problem, my car had lost a lot of power. In spite of changing spark plugs and wires, it felt like I was running on three cylinders a lot of the time. But going up that hill, performance took a dive to the next level down. I felt like I was running on two cylinders. We stopped, checked it out, added some oil, and decided to turn around. Thankfully, we made it back home relying heavily on our hazard lights. Through all of this, Emily sat in the passenger seat, sweetly supportive, looking lovely, and never saying a word about having warned me.
We decided to go shopping for a car, so, with our kids still at a friend's house, we found a 2006 Honda Accord that we really liked, paid for an inspection on it, and bought it. All in one day. Just under 31,000 miles, we bought it for just under $12K. We traded in my poor Saturn for about $150.
Now, here's the cool part. We have been saving for a car for a few years and we had a goal to get to $10K in a separate savings account before we actually had to buy one. I had thought that would be enough for our new sedan. Turns out I was wrong, but here's what's amazing to me. I had prayed multiple times over those years that God would bless our cars and keep them running as long as possible. More specifically, I had prayed that He would keep my Saturn alive at least long enough for us to reach that goal. I HATE debt and I was determined to get to that goal before we had to start thinking about a purchase. Even though we had to pull an extra $2K from another account, guess when we reached the $10K threshold in the "new car" account. Yep, Feb 1, 2010.
What an amazing thing that it died on the first Saturday after we reached our savings goal, the only day we both could have gone shopping for a car. How fantastic that we already had babysitting lined up and that the car gave out on the way to our destination so we would have plenty of time to shop for a new car. Who plans these kinds of blessings?! Whoever He is, He must be an amazing person!
I believe in miracles. The most powerful kind are the ones that can't really be seen or touched. They're not physical and they're usually not impressive to relate. The miracle we experienced yesterday wasn't one of those powerful ones, but it still left me with an amazing feeling. I felt so blessed that God cares enough about us to help us with something as trivial as buying a car. Compared with all the things He takes care of every day, that seems like a pretty minor thing. But it made me feel pretty special. Thank you, Father.
And one more thing. You know those words: "I told you so"? Emily never once said them. She never said anything like them. She was sweet and supportive and lovely the entire time. Thank you, amorcita.
About an hour into the drive, we were headed up a hill on the Interstate and, engine still chugging away, my speed started dropping. I think it was about 35mph when we got to the top of the hill. I got a nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach because 1) I was pretty sure our trip to the temple had just been canceled and 2) I had been an arrogant fool in assuring my wife that everything would be fine. Being arrogant and foolish isn't new for me, but I don't like being that way.
For background info on this car, see my earlier post. Since the "oil in the cylinder" problem, my car had lost a lot of power. In spite of changing spark plugs and wires, it felt like I was running on three cylinders a lot of the time. But going up that hill, performance took a dive to the next level down. I felt like I was running on two cylinders. We stopped, checked it out, added some oil, and decided to turn around. Thankfully, we made it back home relying heavily on our hazard lights. Through all of this, Emily sat in the passenger seat, sweetly supportive, looking lovely, and never saying a word about having warned me.
We decided to go shopping for a car, so, with our kids still at a friend's house, we found a 2006 Honda Accord that we really liked, paid for an inspection on it, and bought it. All in one day. Just under 31,000 miles, we bought it for just under $12K. We traded in my poor Saturn for about $150.
Now, here's the cool part. We have been saving for a car for a few years and we had a goal to get to $10K in a separate savings account before we actually had to buy one. I had thought that would be enough for our new sedan. Turns out I was wrong, but here's what's amazing to me. I had prayed multiple times over those years that God would bless our cars and keep them running as long as possible. More specifically, I had prayed that He would keep my Saturn alive at least long enough for us to reach that goal. I HATE debt and I was determined to get to that goal before we had to start thinking about a purchase. Even though we had to pull an extra $2K from another account, guess when we reached the $10K threshold in the "new car" account. Yep, Feb 1, 2010.
What an amazing thing that it died on the first Saturday after we reached our savings goal, the only day we both could have gone shopping for a car. How fantastic that we already had babysitting lined up and that the car gave out on the way to our destination so we would have plenty of time to shop for a new car. Who plans these kinds of blessings?! Whoever He is, He must be an amazing person!
I believe in miracles. The most powerful kind are the ones that can't really be seen or touched. They're not physical and they're usually not impressive to relate. The miracle we experienced yesterday wasn't one of those powerful ones, but it still left me with an amazing feeling. I felt so blessed that God cares enough about us to help us with something as trivial as buying a car. Compared with all the things He takes care of every day, that seems like a pretty minor thing. But it made me feel pretty special. Thank you, Father.
And one more thing. You know those words: "I told you so"? Emily never once said them. She never said anything like them. She was sweet and supportive and lovely the entire time. Thank you, amorcita.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Chick-fil-A
We went to Chick-fil-A for dinner last night for a school spirit event. Really just a way for the school to make more money, but it worked for us because I was planning to go out for dinner Friday, so I just slid my plans up a day. We like that place. Decent food as far as fast food goes, nice atmosphere, and of course, it has a play place for the kids. It's run by a Christian man who takes his faith pretty seriously. All their restaurants nationwide are closed on Sunday, which I think is pretty cool.
While we were there, I kept thinking of this song my wife and I came across a few months ago. Give it a shot if you haven't heard it before. It's destined to be a classic!
While we were there, I kept thinking of this song my wife and I came across a few months ago. Give it a shot if you haven't heard it before. It's destined to be a classic!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Debate
Last night, we had a conversation at dinner that started with a story related by my son that he learned in school. It was about a huge tree in a forest that some man was planning to cut down. All the animals that live in that tree or depend upon the tree for food then convinced the man not to do it. Apparently, this was no ordinary tree. It was some kind of mystical, magical tree on which all life in the forest depended. If it died, the whole forest would die. By his account, it seemed like a cute story with an agenda.
Well, I couldn't resist, so I asked a few questions. I asked my kids if it was bad to cut down trees. My daughter responded that maybe the man needed the tree's wood to keep him warm. If he didn't have that wood, he might freeze. My son responded that by cutting down the tree, all the animals living in that tree would die. So I asked if the life of a man was more important than the life of an animal. It turned out that was a really good question. My daughter confidently answered "yes." My son said, "No way." They debated. Who taught my young children to debate?! I was so impressed.
I asked more questions. What are trees used for? Why did God make them? Some of their answers: they create oxygen; they offer shade; they're a source of food for animals and humans; material for construction; fuel for warmth. They agreed that it could be ok to cut down trees. I ask: if it isn't always bad to cut down a tree, could it ever be bad? What would make it bad? My son answers that it can't harm the animals. A few other ideas surfaced after some discussion, but I can't remember them all. I then remind them of our wanton destruction of trees in our front yard. Why did we kill them? Their answer: they were blocking the view of the house and killing the grass. Was that justified? Pause. Mixed answers. That was fun to goad my children to question one of our parental decisions.
The debate went on. We revisited the question on the relative value of human life vs. animal life. I tried really hard not to state my own opinion, but kept asking questions to get them to think critically. I wish I could re-create the whole scene for you, but I'm afraid some of the details are gone.
Maybe I shouldn't have, but I added fuel to the fire by telling them part of the story of Ernest Shackleton and his expedition to the Antarctic. Being in dire circumstances, the men eventually shot and ate the sled dogs they had brought. There's more to the story and more that I told them for background, but I asked them if the men were justified in doing that. I asked what they would do if they were given that choice.
Throughout the meal, I was impressed with their arguments and the logic they employed. I kept wondering if I was dreaming as I watched my elementary school age kids debating so intelligently. Of course, without me moderating, it might have devolved into a fight ... or more likely wouldn't have taken place at all. But still, I was amazed. I am constantly amazed at the intelligence of my children. I really believe they are smarter than I am. They don't know as much yet, but give them a few decades and they'll debate me into a corner.
All four of us were engaged in the discussion. All of their eyes were intense and focused throughout the meal. They LOVED it and so did I. That was one of the funnest dinner conversations I've had in years. I think I've been assigned to tell the rest of Shackleton's story at dinner tonight. Maybe tonight will be another debate! Cross your fingers.
Well, I couldn't resist, so I asked a few questions. I asked my kids if it was bad to cut down trees. My daughter responded that maybe the man needed the tree's wood to keep him warm. If he didn't have that wood, he might freeze. My son responded that by cutting down the tree, all the animals living in that tree would die. So I asked if the life of a man was more important than the life of an animal. It turned out that was a really good question. My daughter confidently answered "yes." My son said, "No way." They debated. Who taught my young children to debate?! I was so impressed.
I asked more questions. What are trees used for? Why did God make them? Some of their answers: they create oxygen; they offer shade; they're a source of food for animals and humans; material for construction; fuel for warmth. They agreed that it could be ok to cut down trees. I ask: if it isn't always bad to cut down a tree, could it ever be bad? What would make it bad? My son answers that it can't harm the animals. A few other ideas surfaced after some discussion, but I can't remember them all. I then remind them of our wanton destruction of trees in our front yard. Why did we kill them? Their answer: they were blocking the view of the house and killing the grass. Was that justified? Pause. Mixed answers. That was fun to goad my children to question one of our parental decisions.
The debate went on. We revisited the question on the relative value of human life vs. animal life. I tried really hard not to state my own opinion, but kept asking questions to get them to think critically. I wish I could re-create the whole scene for you, but I'm afraid some of the details are gone.
Maybe I shouldn't have, but I added fuel to the fire by telling them part of the story of Ernest Shackleton and his expedition to the Antarctic. Being in dire circumstances, the men eventually shot and ate the sled dogs they had brought. There's more to the story and more that I told them for background, but I asked them if the men were justified in doing that. I asked what they would do if they were given that choice.
Throughout the meal, I was impressed with their arguments and the logic they employed. I kept wondering if I was dreaming as I watched my elementary school age kids debating so intelligently. Of course, without me moderating, it might have devolved into a fight ... or more likely wouldn't have taken place at all. But still, I was amazed. I am constantly amazed at the intelligence of my children. I really believe they are smarter than I am. They don't know as much yet, but give them a few decades and they'll debate me into a corner.
All four of us were engaged in the discussion. All of their eyes were intense and focused throughout the meal. They LOVED it and so did I. That was one of the funnest dinner conversations I've had in years. I think I've been assigned to tell the rest of Shackleton's story at dinner tonight. Maybe tonight will be another debate! Cross your fingers.
Motherhood
I know I'm a bit out of my league here, but I've got some thoughts on mothers because I've been pretending to be one while my wife is out of town. She took our youngest and I have the other three. I've done this pseudo-mothering thing several times before and I have to say that I'm jealous of all you moms who get to stay home with your kids. I know not every mother is so fortunate, but I think it's so nice for the kids when the mom can do that. I have loved playing mom every chance I get. I get so much more satisfaction and fulfillment by talking, working, and playing with my kids than I do from working at a job. To me, there is nothing more lasting than the impact parents have on their children. Being there for them when they go to school, when they come home from school, making home a clean, comfortable, beautiful place, feeding them good food, and all the other million things that mothers get to do combine to make a powerful impact on the world.
Yesterday, making dinner for them, cleaning the house, getting them ready for bed, and even disciplining them were all so satisfying. I don't have all the answers on parenting, but I have often found in recent years that I can see the impact my actions have on my children. I try to fill them up with love and when I do, they respond in a positive, healthy way, even when I discipline them. I love watching them grow and develop under the influence of that love. This morning, I had so much fun helping them get ready and off to school. We got up a little earlier than normal so we would have plenty of time and we spent about 10 minutes reading together in the Book of Mormon. That was really fun. They have some amazing insights and as I shared some of my thoughts, I watched their eyes light up with new understanding and I just fell in love with them all over again. One of the best parts of the morning was when, on the way to school, my oldest asked, "Dad, can we wake up at 6:30 again tomorrow?" I answered, "Yes, definitely" as my heart melted. It was a good morning.
Those children are some of the most incredible people I have ever known. I want to be with them all day instead of working at a job. But I'll enjoy them this week and then get back to what I know I need to do.
Yesterday, making dinner for them, cleaning the house, getting them ready for bed, and even disciplining them were all so satisfying. I don't have all the answers on parenting, but I have often found in recent years that I can see the impact my actions have on my children. I try to fill them up with love and when I do, they respond in a positive, healthy way, even when I discipline them. I love watching them grow and develop under the influence of that love. This morning, I had so much fun helping them get ready and off to school. We got up a little earlier than normal so we would have plenty of time and we spent about 10 minutes reading together in the Book of Mormon. That was really fun. They have some amazing insights and as I shared some of my thoughts, I watched their eyes light up with new understanding and I just fell in love with them all over again. One of the best parts of the morning was when, on the way to school, my oldest asked, "Dad, can we wake up at 6:30 again tomorrow?" I answered, "Yes, definitely" as my heart melted. It was a good morning.
Those children are some of the most incredible people I have ever known. I want to be with them all day instead of working at a job. But I'll enjoy them this week and then get back to what I know I need to do.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Truth
Some list the author as unknown, other sources claim it's an ancient prayer, some a Hebrew prayer. Wherever it came from, I love the quote below. When I came across it a year or two ago, I typed it up and taped it to the wall of my office.
"From the cowardice that shrinks from new truth, from the laziness that is content with half truth, from the arrogance that thinks it has all truth - O God of truth, deliver us!"
Why does religion so often become dogmatic such that we think we've got it all figured out? Why, when we're confident that God has spoken to us, do we think that He has told us all He knows? Why is it so much easier to accept convenient explanations for things rather than to persistently seek the whole truth? Why are we so loathe to accept truth, in whatever form it comes, just because it seems to conflict with some of our preconceived notions of reality?
I think I know the answers to these questions. The last one, at least, is easily explained. Having our core beliefs challenged is frightening. We would rather accept lies than be shaken at our foundations. Accepting truth that challenges our basic beliefs forces us to reexamine everything on which those beliefs are built. That's scary. It's intimidating. And it leaves us without an anchor. Fear is easier for me to explain than laziness or arrogance, but I think I can answer the other questions if I really make the effort. Unfortunately, I'm just too lazy.
The quest for truth is one of the things that makes life meaningful for me. I don't know why it is, but I am constantly driven to seek new knowledge. Because of the weaknesses inherent in my nature, I have been deluded at times by the cowardice, laziness, and arrogance mentioned in that prayer. Perhaps that's why I love that prayer - because it's exactly what I need to focus on as I seek for truth. In any case, it struck me as profound when I first read it and I still love it.
There's a lot more I'd like to say about truth, but I found that by trying, this post threatened to become extremely disjointed. Think about that prayer and see whether it resonates with you. Let me know if it does. I'd like to hear your thoughts.
Influenza and Other Trials
Sometimes life is hard.
My wife has a sister who recently moved to a place a few hours' drive from our home. She has three little children, one about two years old and two about three months old. Her husband has been out of town for a few weeks and we just learned last night that she and her three little chicklets have all had the flu. In addition, she contracted another infection, has had very little milk to feed the infants, and in general, is pretty miserable. I don't know if I got all those details right and I don't think I've adequately described the extent of their suffering, but hopefully you get the idea that life is pretty dang tough for her right now.
Luckily, this is a lady that's pretty tough. She's spunky. But all of us have our limits and sometimes we're driven to our knees by being pushed to the extremes of what we can take. I can't speak for her, but I can say that if I were in her situation, I'd cry ... a lot ... and often. Thankfully, my wife was able to drive down there today and she'll hopefully be able to relieve some of the suffering. I'm grateful she was able to do that. That's the kind of task that makes life meaningful to me. Thanks Emily.
So of course I began thinking of trials in general. And since this is my blog, I will bore you with my philosophy. Don't complain - you're here by choice.
Each time I've been pushed into a situation where I suffer, I sure hate it at the time, but I almost always look back and see the good it did for me. That doesn't mean I run back and get in line for another turn in the pressure cooker, but I am grateful for the refining effect those challenges have on my soul. I posted not long ago something like "Count your blessings, not your trials." But seen from another perspective, maybe those two things are really the same. It's not always productive to tell that to someone who's suffering, but it's good to think about all the same.
I won't post personal info on other people without their permission, so we'll just pretend my sister-in-law's name is Maggie because I like the name. Good luck, Maggie. We're praying for you.
My wife has a sister who recently moved to a place a few hours' drive from our home. She has three little children, one about two years old and two about three months old. Her husband has been out of town for a few weeks and we just learned last night that she and her three little chicklets have all had the flu. In addition, she contracted another infection, has had very little milk to feed the infants, and in general, is pretty miserable. I don't know if I got all those details right and I don't think I've adequately described the extent of their suffering, but hopefully you get the idea that life is pretty dang tough for her right now.
Luckily, this is a lady that's pretty tough. She's spunky. But all of us have our limits and sometimes we're driven to our knees by being pushed to the extremes of what we can take. I can't speak for her, but I can say that if I were in her situation, I'd cry ... a lot ... and often. Thankfully, my wife was able to drive down there today and she'll hopefully be able to relieve some of the suffering. I'm grateful she was able to do that. That's the kind of task that makes life meaningful to me. Thanks Emily.
So of course I began thinking of trials in general. And since this is my blog, I will bore you with my philosophy. Don't complain - you're here by choice.
Each time I've been pushed into a situation where I suffer, I sure hate it at the time, but I almost always look back and see the good it did for me. That doesn't mean I run back and get in line for another turn in the pressure cooker, but I am grateful for the refining effect those challenges have on my soul. I posted not long ago something like "Count your blessings, not your trials." But seen from another perspective, maybe those two things are really the same. It's not always productive to tell that to someone who's suffering, but it's good to think about all the same.
I won't post personal info on other people without their permission, so we'll just pretend my sister-in-law's name is Maggie because I like the name. Good luck, Maggie. We're praying for you.
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