Training Wheels

I took the training wheels off for my youngest child last night. I had loosened them so there was a lot of room for her to lean the bike without the training wheels hitting the ground and after riding around for a while, it was obvious she didn't need them at all. She was really proud of herself!

Milestones like this make me think I must be getting old. Thankfully I don't feel old. It was great to see her feeling so liberated and empowered! Our family discovered a new set of dirt trails a couple weeks ago; now that #4 is off training wheels, I think we'll have to tackle it again.

Having a family is such an adventure ... and so much fun.

Les Miserables

My wife and I recently went to see Les Miserables. I have never seen a live performance of the play, but I know the story and the music. I've read the book by Victor Hugo and I've been listening to the music for many years and it seems to me the music basically tells the story, though there are a few sections of speech that help tie some of it together. I love the story.

And I LOVED the movie! When it was over, I just sat there and listened to the music as the credits ran. I love the way it ends.

I was really impressed by the singing from some well known actors. I thought Hugh Jackman was fantastic as Valjean. I think Valjean's character is the most wonderful element of the story. And Jackman did a great job bringing it to life. There are parts of the story that are so painful and revolting that I sort of shrank inside myself when they came on the screen. But without the negative, the resolution wouldn't be nearly so sweet.

Fantine is probably the most tragic character in the story, but it's Eponine's story that really gets me choked up. Coming from a disgusting upbringing, her unrequited love is so sweetly tragic that I get tears in my eyes when I listen to a good rendition of 'On My Own' ... and the actress in the film did a GREAT job with that song! She had a beautiful voice and she loaded that scene with pathos. With that as background, another song that brings tear to my eyes is 'A Little Fall of Rain' and once again, the film came through.

But although I love Eponine's story, Valjean is my favorite character. His honor, courage, integrity, and virtue seem to rise to every challenge to tempt him into betraying those principles. After a formative experience with a godly man, the Bishop of Digne, Valjean seems impossibly steeled against all evil both within and without. The musical shows his struggles; he's no Superman. But I find myself cheering him on as he faces incredibly difficult choices and consistently makes the honorable choice. Jackman did a great job showing the emotion associated with making those tough choices. And Valjean offers me, at least, an example of what it's like to be a morally upright hero in a sometimes debauched and unjust world.

The scene at the end is my absolute favorite. After everything he has been through, after all the injustice suffered by multiple characters, the ending shows a place where wrongs are made right and where all who have suffered find peace. I love the way the words are changed from what was a rousing military song earlier in the play to a rousing song that rejoices in the freedom that comes to those who choose good over evil. Even though justice isn't always done here, the end of the play points to a place where justice will ultimately be done. And as Valjean steps into that place, I feel an incredible resolution to all of the evil that went before and I get this exultant feeling that freedom and joy, so often denied to so many, will ultimately be granted to those who honestly seek it. I look forward to finding that place someday myself.

Another great scene that brought tears to my eyes was 'Empty Chairs at Empty Tables'. The guy who played Marius was really fantastic. Great voice!

If you've seen the movie, the play, or just like the music, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to comment.

Witch Doctor

I started seeing a chiropractor a couple months ago who uses a method called the Bio-Energetic Synchronization Method (BEST). It's weird.

I had never been to a chiropractor before, but several things prompted me to try him. The folks who had recommended the herbal cleanse to me also recommended this guy. Following the cleanse, my dandruff and my allergies started to come back and at the end of my cleanse, I was congested for weeks. It was far too long for a virus and it was extremely frustrating because none of my medications were able to do much about it. Some of them helped a little, but nothing cleared me up completely.

So I went to see this guy, once again with the thought that, having tried everything modern medicine can offer except allergy shots, any kind of natural/alternative treatment was worth a try. Funny how I equate natural with alternative ...

He has me lay down on an adjusting bench and for the next hour or so, I hear a lot more preaching than physical treatment. He's a really nice older gentleman with an infectious smile and a personality that I really enjoy. His method makes no sense to me, so I affectionately call him the witch doctor. But, scientist that I am, though I would really like to understand his methodology, after a few experiences with him, I'm convinced that it works. So when I visit him, I lay aside my need to analyze everything to some extent and just put my faith in him and his method.

The BEST method, as far as I can tell, lays on a philosophical foundation similar to ancient Chinese medicine. It assumes the existence of energy in the human body that seems to be indiscernible to any kind of measurement system we have available. I don't think I've heard the witch doctor use this word, but I equate it with the concept of qi or chi (pronounced 'chee'). It consists in strength testing to determine what is wrong with my body/energy/mind/spirit/whatever and then some really weird treatments. Some of the treatments seem like traditional chiropractic adjustments of joints to help things flow better in the body. Some of them include him finding and touching two points on my body simultaneously while I hold my breath. Some of them are so weird, I don't even know how to describe them.

Within two days after my first appointment with the witch doctor, my congestion was completely gone. It started breaking up during my appointment and accelerated over the next two days. After about six weeks of congestion, the timing seemed to be a bit more than just coincidental. One time I went to see him and was feeling off balance inside. I don't know how else to explain it, but it was like there was a hole inside me and everything felt wrong. At the end of the appointment, I felt great. I think I've seen him four times now and after each session, I feel better overall.

At my last appointment, we talked about dandruff. It was still bothering me even though I had started using dandruff shampoo and had been using it for a couple of weeks. During my herbal cleanse, I had stopped using it and the dandruff only came back after the cleanse was over. He did his voodoo on me and told me my liver was weak and suggested I cleanse that first followed by the kidneys. He knew about the herbal cleanse I had done, so he knew I had something that was supposed to cleanse those organs. I started using the herbs about a week ago, stopped using dandruff shampoo, and the dandruff appears to be completely gone. Weird.

I'm not sure if I'll ever really understand the BEST method, but based on the empirical data, I'm going to keep seeing the witch doctor and see if I can get my body into shape to be able to heal itself and function properly. As a scientist who's always obsessed with understanding the model connecting the observations with the physical phenomena, it's kind of refreshing to simply put my faith in the method without really having a clue as to how it works.

Expert Witness

I recently had the opportunity to serve as an expert witness in a criminal case and it was a VERY interesting experience! I was able to share some of my expertise with the attorney who retained me, but the best part for me was that I learned a little more about the history and philosophy behind common law and got a feel for the judicial process. I won't give too many details of the case in a publicly available blog, but I'll share some high level points here for anyone who might be interested.

The defendant was being charged with a crime based on a specific statute. His attorney thought the statute could be challenged and asked me to help him look at the law, define some terms, explain some technical details of how certain systems work, and help him develop a case to challenge the law. In doing this, I came to learn a little more about the litmus test that a law must pass for a court of law to uphold the law. The attorney I worked with seemed to enjoy explaining the details, which was great because I had lots of questions.

The most important thing I took away from that discussion was the need for the law to clearly and consistently define what is legal and what is not. If the statute is easily misinterpreted, it can be struck down because it can be seen as reaching too far or trampling on constitutional rights. The value of common law, or law based on judicial precedent, seems to be a certain consistency throughout the laws over time.

Apparently, the history of common law is quite extensive. He gave me a notional example of a law against breaking and entering that may have had terms in the law challenged and defined by courts back in the 12th century. This was notional; I have no idea how I would trace the history of a law against breaking and entering. But the example he gave was a law against breaking and entering after dark with the intent to steal ... and then someone charged with a violation of the law questioning whether "dark" applied to sunset. And maybe that guy was acquitted, but in acquitting him, the court would be taking a step in defining what that term means in the law so it's more clear the next time the law is used in court.

I'm a total novice when it comes to law, so take what I've said above with a grain of salt. I looked into going to law school many years ago with the idea that I could become a patent attorney. I could make a heck of a lot more money that way, but it didn't take me long to realize I wouldn't enjoy that field. I'd rather be happy than rich.

But lately, philosophy of law has been more interesting to me. I still don't think I would enjoy practicing law, but I'm interested in proper methods of governance. I'm interested in the healthy tension between order and freedom. I'm interested in finding the sweet spot in a system of law that discourages behaviors in individuals that trample on others' freedoms without taking away too much individual freedom by force of law. As an engineer, I solve a lot of optimization problems and seeking to maximize freedom in a system of law seems like an optimization problem to me. It just doesn't seem like one I'm really capable of completely solving because of the complexity of human nature. But even if I can't find a 'best' solution, maybe I can find some principles that govern what makes a really good solution.

I'm also interested in optimizing success in commercial organizations. I've been thinking a lot about corporate governance lately and trying to figure out what kind of organizational and incentive structures would maximize the probability of success in a place of business. The answer to that organizational design question will depend on the nature of the business, the collective values of the employees, the values of the customers, etc. But the first thing to do in this problem is define what we mean by success. That's a philosophical question that must be answered before any kind of organizational engineering takes place. For me, 'freedom' is about the closest definition of success I can think of for a legal system, but for other organizations, while freedom is probably an essential element of success, it probably isn't sufficient unto itself.

When I have the answers to all these questions, I'll let you know. :) I don't expect to completely solve those problems before I die, but that's what makes them so interesting to me.

In the case I described above, the defendant was offered a pretty nice plea bargain deal at the last minute, so the case never went to trial. In a way, it was satisfying to have helped create a case that rattled the confidence of the prosecution enough that they offered a plea bargain, but it was also a bit disappointing, after having geared up for a fight, to be let down like that. If I were in the defendant's position, I would have done the same thing, but it was frustrating that he had to accept any kind of sentence. In my mind, he really didn't do anything wrong. Of course, I've learned that law and justice aren't necessarily the same thing, but it's still disappointing to see something like that.

So we didn't get to really challenge the law, which is a shame because I think the law, which had good intention, really should be struck down and rewritten. But this man finally has some resolution on this issue and I think he got a pretty good deal. So I'm happy for him.

I Am A Christian

In the south, there is a sports program associated with Baptist churches called 'Upward'. It's a really nice way to get kids involved with sports without being super competitive. Every child gets equal playing time, gets to try all the positions, and we have a lot of fun. Every practice, they hold a 5 minute devotional, teach the kids a little about God and the Bible, and give them a chance to hear the gospel of Jesus Christ. We've been doing various Upward sports for several years and I decided it was time for me to give a little back to the program after all the benefits we've received from it. So I volunteered to coach my boys' soccer teams. It has been a lot of fun!

On the volunteer application, I listed my religion as LDS and apparently the lead sports minister didn't realize what that meant because he assigned me to coach two teams and then called me a couple weeks later to explore my faith. He and/or some parents were uncomfortable when they learned what church I belonged to. But some of my answers on the application form about my faith had given him no discomfort, so we agreed that I would teach the devotionals and he and parents were welcome to listen in. If they felt uncomfortable with what I was teaching after a devotional or two, I would be happy to step aside and let someone else lead those gatherings.

I guess he had second thoughts because on the day we were supposed to give the gospel presentation, he asked to take over for me. :) I didn't push back. It's his church and his program, so I respect his right to do that. I'm just grateful for the service their church offers to our community by hosting these leagues. But since I missed the chance to share the gospel with those boys, I want to share some of my core beliefs here. If you're not interested in religion or my faith specifically, this would be the post to skip. But since this is at the core of what drives me, if you're interested in who I am, I recommend you read it.

The Gospel

I believe there is a God in heaven who loves us. I believe Jesus Christ is the Son of God and the Savior of the world. I believe that because we fall short of living according to principles of truth, justice requires a punishment that separates us from that God who loves us. But the gospel, which derives from an Old English word godspel meaning 'good tidings', is the good news that Jesus Christ has paid the price for us. He took the punishment in our place and He offers us His mercy and His grace (divine love/power/help) in place of the judgment that would befall us on our own.

An artist's depiction of Jesus in Gethsemane (Luke 22:41-44)

Knowing this, we all have the opportunity to accept or reject this gift of mercy that's offered to us. Rejecting isn't hard; you just keep doing what you're doing. Acceptance isn't really that hard either, but ultimately it will require everything we have - a total surrender to God - but the benefits are beyond imagination. We start with accepting Jesus Christ as our Savior. In my church's parlance, we call that faith. He asks us to exercise faith that this fantastic story of redemption might be true. Christ then asks us to take His gift and do good with it by trying to improve ourselves, trying each day to be a little more like Him. Again, I'll use my vernacular - He asks us to repent. The german word for repentance is 'Umkehr', which literally means to 'turn around'. He asks that we change direction when we find we're going the wrong way.

Then He asks us to formally accept His name through a physical symbolic act called baptism. Being buried in the water and coming out again symbolizes death/burial and renewal - the death of the old man of sin and the birth of a new man, born again through the power of Christ's redemption (Romans 6:6). Following baptism, we are asked to receive God's Spirit, sometimes called the Holy Ghost (see, for example, John 3:3-5). This Spirit allows us to connect with God and helps us in many other ways. Finally, He wants us to keep on the path, doing those things we've learned to do through those first four steps. So the five things asked of us to make Christ's sacrifice of value to us are:

1. Faith
2. Repentance
3. Baptism
4. Holy Ghost
5. Keep it up ... rinse, repeat, etc.

If I had been allowed to give the devotional at soccer practice, I would have used simpler wording and I would have stopped at faith because that's what the Baptist church wanted me to teach. And up to that point, I don't think there would have been any discrepancy between what I believe and what any other Christian believes. One minor divergence that we would have been close to - I have heard many churches quote a scripture that says "if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved" (Roman 10:9) and teach that such a verbal acceptance is wholly sufficient to save us. But then they go on to preach that we should be good people, do our best, etc. Which probably means we actually believe the same thing, but we use different words.

The problem with the conclusion drawn from that passage, in my mind, is that the reader is taking a single verse in isolation (for a contrary view from faith being all-sufficient, read the book of James, particularly James 2:19-20). Tolstoy wrote a whole book inspired by a single scripture taken in isolation (The Kingdom of God is Within You) and drew some conclusions that, in my opinion, really don't jive with the rest of the Bible. It's a GREAT book, actually, but I think Tolstoy is missing some things. Other passages in the Bible clearly indicate there are other things God expects of us in order for us to fully avail ourselves of the gift that Christ offers. Most notably concerning baptism. I think the five steps I've outlined above are a decent summary of those things. But I welcome feedback.

I belong to a church that is sometimes called the Mormon Church. I'm pretty confident that everything I wrote above would be accepted officially by the authorities of my church. And yet so many people are convinced that 'Mormons' are not Christians. I really think that's why my minister friend took over the devotional that day. I think he saw me as an unbeliever. And that's ok. He's a really nice guy. I know he means no harm. But here's a little more evidence that I might just be a Christian.

I Am A Christian

I don't like the term 'mormon'. I think it's confusing. I almost never use it. The official name of my church is 'The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints'. Note the prominence of the name of Jesus Christ. That has been the name of the church since 1838, just 8 years after the church was founded. We believe in scripture in addition to the Bible, most notably the Book of Mormon (hence the 'Mormon' nickname given to the church, originally by the church's enemies). The subtitle of the Book of Mormon is 'Another Testament of Jesus Christ'. The name of Christ is all over that book. Here are a few of my favorite passages:

... we talk of Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins. (2 Nephi 25:26)

... he [Christ] shall be born of Mary ... and he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind ... and he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; (Alma 7:10-12)

Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth, that they may know that there is no flesh that can dwell in the presence of God, save it be through the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah ... (2 Nephi 2:8)

The Messiah in the last reference refers to Christ. The English word Messiah comes from a Hebrew word Moshiach/Mashiach meaning 'the anointed one'. The word Christ comes from the Greek word Christos (Χριστός) meaning 'the anointed one'. Same thing. You get the idea. I recognize people of the Jewish faith dispute the idea that Jesus was the promised Messiah, but early Christians gave the title of Christ to Jesus to semantically establish that equivalence and we have been doing so for the last 2000 years or so - it's a matter of faith. Etymologically, though, there is no dispute that Messiah = Christ.

There are many, many more passages about the Savior to be found in the Book of Mormon. I believe that book to be scripture, like the Bible. With faith on those two written witnesses that Jesus of Nazareth is the Christ, I worship Jesus Christ as my Savior and I'm trying to become a little more like Him each day. And I claim to be a Christian. I don't think my claim is outlandish, do you?

For more on what the Atonement of Christ means to me, take a look at this post from about six months ago.

Humor Quote

"A sense of relationship and copartnership with God involves the concept of universal brotherhood and that will help to develop intelligent tolerance, open-mindedness, and good-natured optimism. Life is really a battle between fear and faith, pessimism and optimism. Fear and pessimism paralyze men with skepticism and futility. One must have a sense of humor to be an optimist in times like these. And you young women will need a sense of humor if you marry these young men and try to live with them. Golden Kimball once said in a conference, 'The Lord Himself must like a joke or he wouldn't have made some of you people.' But your good humor must be real, not simulated. Let your smiles come from the heart and they will become contagious. You may see men on the street any day whose laugh is only a frozen grin with nothing in it but teeth. Men without humor tend to forget their source, lose sight of their goal, and with no lubrication in their mental crankshafts, they must drop out of the race. Lincoln said, 'Good humor is the oxygen of the soul.' And someone paraphrased, 'The surly bird catches the germ.'"
-Hugh B. Brown

Herbal Cleanse Finale

I officially finished my herbal cleanse regimen last week ... and like the idiot I am, I added another week. I had the feeling that I should continue with three of the four pills for one more week, so I'm REALLY finishing today. Seriously. For real this time.

I had the feeling that the blood cleanser supplements may have been filling my bloodstream with garbage from surrounding tissues and the other three were helping my body to dispose of that junk. I also caught the flu about two weeks ago and I was feeling really awful at the time I should have been stopping the pills. I felt like those herbs might help my body process everything it was fighting a little better.

Oddly enough, the symptoms I've had with this flu have been exactly the same as I had when I caught the flu about 10 months ago. I've had the flu three times in my life ... twice in the last year? Maybe the herbs knocked loose a virus that lay dormant in my body? I have no idea, but it's a little too weird not to suspect something like that.

Near the end of my cleanse, I noticed some bumps forming on my head. Similar bumps had formed on my legs and arms earlier and then had faded. I thought maybe the head was finally getting the good stuff after having the lower parts worked on for a few weeks. About the same time, that old itchy pre-dandruff feeling hit me. I have fought dandruff for years and have tried several times to get off dandruff shampoo without success ... so I'm familiar with that itchy feeling that comes before my scalp falls apart. So far, the itch has come and gone ... and come again, but so far, no flakes. And it has been 2-3 months since I used any of that shampoo. The shampoo has a chemical in it that I decided wouldn't really be in keeping with the whole idea of cleansing, so I stopped using it. So far so good ...

I've maintained about a 15 pound loss and it feels stable. Except for the flu symptoms which have flared up, died down, and flared up again, I feel really healthy. I'm going to give my body a week or two to rest from all those herbs and then I've got a few cleansing and immune boosting herbs I want to try to see if I can reduce my allergic reactions. All in all, I'm pretty happy with how this cleansing experiment has turned out. If any of you out there have done something similar, I'd love to hear about it. If you decide to try what I tried, feel free to contact me with questions. I'd be happy to share more of my experiences.