Hugh B. Brown on Truth

"Sometimes during solitude I hear truth spoken with clarity and freshness; uncolored and untranslated it speaks from within myself in a language original but inarticulate, heard only with the soul, and I realize I brought it with me, was never taught it nor can I efficiently teach it to another."

- Hugh B. Brown

Wild Turkey

Random picture from a few months ago. A wild turkey walking around the school parking lot. Weird.

Love and Lust

I believe God speaks to man. Ok, and woman, but I was going for a succinct intro there. I believe that, in part, because of my own experiences. Sometimes I feel impressions that impart ideas that are surprising to me, but afterwards, prove themselves to be full of wisdom. Here's an example from a couple of years ago.

I remember talking with God one day (usually that's just me talking, but sometimes I feel like it becomes two-way communication, which is really cool). I can't remember my exact line of questioning, but I remember an idea forming in my mind that was very foreign to any thought process I can remember having before. I was talking about the beauty of my wife, the beauty of women in general, love and lust, and a bunch of other things. I think I must have said something to the effect that I felt like I was supposed to avoid lust except as directed toward my wife.

The idea came almost immediately that I should avoid lust even toward her. That I should love her, be close to her, allow myself to be wrapped up in her and let her consume me, but not to lust after her.

I'm not sure I represented the idea quite right, but that's what I remember right now. It confused me. I didn't understand how I could be consumed by my wife, how we could have a thriving, healthy sex life, and I not feel lust toward her. I think, a couple of years later, that I may have just figured it out.

I have, for a long time, been attempting to understand the distinction between appreciation for beauty and lust. I've come to the conclusion that lust represents a desire to own, to use, to consume, and often in inappropriate ways. Appreciating a beautiful sunrise doesn't imply that I want to own the sun; I simply enjoy it and feel refreshed by the natural wonder of it. The same applies to women.

I appreciate the beauty of women. In fact, I don't think there is a woman alive who isn't beautiful. Women, as God's final element of creation in this world, are among his most elegant creations - perhaps his most elegant. I don't believe I have ever seen anything quite as lovely as woman. Men are just ugly - sorry fellas. I look in the mirror and I simply don't see what my wife sees. Thank God she has a perspective that is different from mine.

And I enjoy seeing beautiful women everywhere I go. I was on a business trip yesterday and I saw many lovely women. I go to church and enjoy being among so many beautiful women, some of whom are more beautiful to me because of the beauty I see on the inside as I've come to know them. But I don't desire to own, to use, or to unite with any of them. Their beauty is simply refreshing and I enjoy being in a world with such beautiful beings.

But my relationship with my wife is a little different. Many times in my life, I have wanted to own her, to use her, to unite with her, and I realized that 'lust' as I've defined it, is an unhealthy disposition in my marriage relationship. I have come to see that even in marriage, lust is inappropriate. It is love that we're after and love can lead to a perfect union of souls, of which the physical, sexual union is simply an outgrowth, a symbol, a culmination. I don't want to minimize the importance of sex; rather, to point out that it is even more wonderful and more powerful when it flows from a motive of pure love rather than physical attraction.

I'm still physically attracted to my wife. And if you've seen her, I'm sure you understand. Pictures don't do justice. My wife is gorgeous! I was looking at her last night after seeing so many women during my one-day trip yesterday and thinking how perfect she is for me. Taken as a whole, no other woman compares to her. I really believe she and I were made for each other, our complementary strengths and the challenges we've posed for each other that have helped us to grow individually and to grow together as a couple.

One aspect of my wife I thought about last night was modesty. Some of the women I saw yesterday, beautiful as they are, weren't dressed very modestly and I thought how sad that they felt the need or desire to share so much of themselves with the world - or at least with anyone who happened to look at them. It almost felt like they were cheating their husbands from something that should rightfully belong to them.

I'm so grateful that my wife is careful to preserve her modesty and while she allows everyone to see her beauty, she preserves much of herself just for me. That aspect of her demeanor makes our relationship even sweeter. I think the women I see at church look just a little more beautiful than many others because they also, or the vast majority of them, are dressed neatly and modestly.

As we talked about our day last night, I was struck more and more by her sweetness, by the way she gives of herself and serves everyone around her. She begins with our family and moves outward, rarely giving thought to her own comfort. She has had selfish times in her life, but most of the time, she sweetly seeks to bless others. And I love and admire her for that.

As I have come to love my wife, on the inside and outside, I've come to see the wisdom of the impression I had not to allow lust to be part of my marriage. I hadn't separated the idea of lust from sex in my mind and I couldn't see how the idea was logical, but I stored it away and thought about it. And now I think I understand. Sex is about so much more than physical attraction. The attraction is a nice part of it, but the real essence of the act is a union of souls. When that union is based on love, appreciation, mutual respect, etc., it is so much more fulfilling than when it is based on attraction.

I think this separation of concepts (sex and lust), though forming in my mind for years, was really cemented by the post I read recently from a homosexual man. Funny how it took a homosexual man's explanation of love and sex to help me realize the wisdom of a divine impression that I think will continue to improve my relationship with my wife. I think everyone we meet has something they can teach us and I'm grateful that so many people are willing to share their wisdom with me.

My Sleepy Angel

I just posted about my little angel. Well, here's my other - more sleepy - angel. She gets prettier and prettier all the time. Looking at this picture from last year and looking at her now ... she is so much more grown up.

Here's a slightly more recent one from Easter.

She is going to be an absolutely beautiful woman someday. Take a guess which parent she gets her beauty from. I'll give you a hint.

You didn't really need the hint, though, did you?

Little Angel

This picture of my youngest was taken over a year ago. I think she's so beautiful.

Here's another one.

A couple months ago, she drew a couple of pictures for me on my white board at work.

The first one melted me, of course. The second ... yeah, those are angels flying over the Nativity scene. And this was in March. Cute, huh?

Forks over Knives

Emily has been trying to get me to watch a documentary called 'Forks over Knives' for several months. I guess I never understood what it was about because it took me a while to find the motivation to watch it. It's REALLY interesting!

It attempts to make the case that many of the chronic illnesses we enjoy in our western societies are directly linked to our western diet. That wasn't a new idea for me, but it was fascinating to see several pieces of evidence that pointed to a specific diet for halting and even reversing the progression of certain diseases. The "cure" is a plant-based diet.

I've always felt that limiting meat intake was a good idea, but this video suggested that eliminating meat and ALL animal-based products was the way to go. And I found it hard to argue with their data. One point was made that I had heard before, but that really sunk in this time because it was given in the context of so much supporting evidence. Cows' milk, which is supposed to be so healthy for us, is really a food that nature has produced for calves. Taking milk from one species and giving it to another does seem a bit ... unnatural. The video asserts that milk products, like all other animal products, produce some unwanted side effects in our bodies.

If you've read this far, you might be interested in watching the video. Check it out. If you have Netflix, you can stream it online. And let me know what you think.

Club Unicorn

About a year ago, I posted some thoughts about homosexuality. For the sake of blog integrity, I don't want to change what I posted then, but I came across something today that makes me want to amend it slightly in a separate post.

In a blog a couple of weeks ago, a man with homosexual inclinations named Josh Weed "came out" and described his experiences coming to love a woman and create a family with her. His post is extremely well written and identifies a nuance I didn't capture in my previous post. There is a difference between 'homosexuality' and the act of same-gender sex. My post above identifies a difference between inclination and action, but I used the term 'homosexuality' differently than he did and I think my language becomes confusing. His is very well thought out - homosexuality is something he has dealt with for most of his life. If you're interested in this topic, I highly recommend you read his post here. His comments about love and intimacy are worth reading all by themselves. I'll reproduce part of it here:

... sex is about more than just visual attraction and lust and it is about more than just passion and infatuation.... when sex is done right, at its deepest level it is about intimacy. It is about one human being connecting with another human being they love. It is a beautiful physical manifestation of two people being connected in a truly vulnerable, intimate manner because they love each other profoundly. It is bodies connecting and souls connecting. It is beautiful and rich and fulfilling and spiritual and amazing. Many people never get to this point in their sex lives because it requires incredible communication, trust, vulnerability, and connection.

He draws a distinction between love and attraction that I think is helpful for anyone regardless of their sexual orientation. He has purposefully chosen to love and nurture a woman even though he has no natural sexual attraction toward women. His point, though, is that truly fulfilling love and sex have little to do with attraction and a lot to do with choices, communication, connection, etc.

For those who thought that a gay man happily married to a woman was a mythical creature, he offers himself as evidence that such creatures exist and calls them unicorns. Having observed a unicorn firsthand through his blog, I am now a member of the illustrious Club Unicorn. Membership is free; if you're interested in joining, just read his post. And welcome to the club.

I appreciated reading his thoughts. He has given me some things to think about. I have never had homosexual inclinations myself, but I have my own set of weaknesses. I was inspired to read about his life and how he dealt with the decisions he faced as he came to see that his natural inclinations were very different than most of the people around him. It sounds like he had the strength and courage to make the choices he made in large part because of the love, support, and freedom he was given by his parents and others. I hope I can be that supportive and non-judgmental of others when they face challenges.